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we beat you in the streets
Nov. 18th, 2009
03:05 pm
Things are better.
I will see Minus the Bear tomorrow night and the night after that I will be lounging on an expensive bed in a luxury hotel in Downtown Boston. I get to see Christmas trees (maybe even the christmas tree lighting) and buy new clothes and eat burritos and drink wine with Bostonians and say 'wahddah' instead of water.
Work is less stressful and more cool, my new boss rules pretty hard and all this week I've been avoiding going downstairs because I embarassed myself last week but I went today and they gave me the whole 'Where have you beeeeeen?!' so that made me feel better too.
Love has been laborious, but I guess that's not the worst thing in the world.
I want fondue and I want to go to NYC.
Nov. 12th, 2009
04:32 pm
I hate my life so much more than usual today.
Tonight when I get home from Pier 1 I fully intend on laying in bundle in bed, eating ice cream with chocolate sauce and sprinkles, and watching Grey's Anatomy.
If I can just survive until the ice cream, tomorrow is bound to be better.
Nov. 9th, 2009
01:12 pm
I may not be able to tweet and I may not be able to facebook, but livejournal, I'll always have you.
I cried at Adventureland last night. Hard. I worry that I might have fallen in love with that movie, or at the very least latched on to it in some unhealthy and obsessive way. I bought myself flowers. I knitted. Read Tom Waits. Read about Billy Bragg. Listened to Lifetime. Watched Grumpy Old Men. Garfield. Roseanne. Robin Hood.
Finding it a little hard to breathe. I think I might have sleep apnea and I whether I'm awake or asleep, I think it might be closing in.
Oct. 28th, 2009
08:55 am
I woke up this morning with this feeling - this feeling that although I don't know exactly what I'm looking for, I'm acutely aware that I'm was having a real hard time finding it. I feel like that is pretty true to the rest of my life.
I don't know if I'm looking for too much, or selling myself too short, but whatever I'm doing has left me feeling off balance. I often feel like my mind and body are out of synch with the reality of how I am living. I'm not sure how you remedy this. In the movies, I'd pack a tiny bag and move to a far away place. I'd meet some elderly and eccentric next door neighbour who'd take me under their wing, and I'd wind up marrying their handyman and living happily ever after. In other movies, I'd get gently hit by a car or some other minor tragedy and while recovering, I would suddenly have my eyes opened to the beauty all around me, at which point I'd fall in love with some wacky psych patient who isn't crazy at all, but really just has an appreciation for the way that things should be. So....that's how the movies handle it. How do you handle it in reality?
Clearly I've been spending too much time alone, curled up on the couch, watching julia roberts wine and dine inside our fuzzy little tv. Maybe I should change that, first and foremost.
And as if that's not the worst of it, the ladybug living in my bedroom with me passed away. RIP Gloria.
Oct. 20th, 2009
12:14 pm - overcoming crankiness in 7 steps or less
1. Search out affordable vacations that you can use as a secret backup plan for your christmas holidays.
2. Look at cute photos of wet, grumpy kittens in bathtubs.
3. Shorten words in that adorably cute way that you know is sending shivers down the spine of every last co-workers (eg 'lunch in ten minnies!')
4. Fire off another email to the online shopping locale of your choice, complaining about shipping fees to Canada while secretly hoping that they just cut you a break so you can buy that $39 dress you've been eyeing.
5. Feasibility report to determine likelihood that you could take a 'working vacation' to nearby province, where you would carry in a briefcase full of doritos and video games to the hotel (with pool) of your choice.
6. Delegate your work, so that even if you wind up completing very little of what you had planned for the day, it'll look like you did that much more.
7. Eat Halloween candy and scowl lots.
Oct. 19th, 2009
Oct. 7th, 2009
01:09 pm
Past 24 hours
-lost a jenga game or two
-saw my name in print, right next to the words 'is a real superstar!' NO LIE
-won a game of tribond
-partially committed myself to hosting a games night where my only confirmed guests are a 75 year old couple
-ate falafel
-watched dexter
-painted bedroom
-giggled a lot, talkin' on the telephone
-made plans to critique camp nowhere against Ernest goes to camp to settle the age old question 'which of these two fine films are better?'
-talked zombies
-talked fiddle music
-talked birdwatching
-played with kitties
-finished my scarf!
-considered blood tranfusion designed to merge coffee directly and permanently into my bloodstream
Sep. 11th, 2009
08:52 am - september 11 1988
I used to sometimes see you, on my way home from work. I'd walk off the bridge and there you'd be, biking uphill past the cars stopped in traffic. I used to look for your red and white striped tshirts and your long legs pedaling. We'd talk endlessly and excitedly about potlucks and badminton. We'd laugh and we'd make plans, always for next weekend. You called me buddy often enough that I worried you'd forget my real name.
There are certain things, little things, that I will never think of without thinking of you. There are certain places, fun places, that I will never go without thinking of you. If I could tell you one thing, it'd be this: Boy oh boy, you are missed.
I'd tell you that garfin' sure isn't the same without you.
Jul. 30th, 2009
09:08 am - mine
Last night I knocked over a lamp. The bulb shattered under my feet, adding layers of glass shard and mercury gas to the existing layer of dirt on the kitchen floor.
It wasn't the bulb breaking that amazed me, it was that it stayed lit. If anything, the remnants of the shattered bulb burnt even more brightly than normal. As Shaun was reaching for the cord, I worried that even without power it might continue to glow. I thought back to my television that would turn on without prompting, and my bedroom door that would open late at night, without anyone there to turn the handle.
I wonder if it's my apartment that's possessed, or if it's just me.
Jul. 7th, 2009
Jun. 19th, 2009
05:34 pm
I have a bottle of champagne in my kitchen that stares at me every time I open the cupboard door. It's half the size of a regular bottle and it has a little gold foil cap. I bought it on new years eve but my night turned out so terribly that I couldn't bring myself to drink it. Instead, I decided that I would save it until I felt better. It was my big plan for the whole month of January, that I'd get over that hump and then I'd feel terrific again, and that my tiny bottle of champagne would be one of the first things that I'd do to celebrate.
It's almost July and that little bottle is still waiting for me to come around.
Jun. 10th, 2009
08:11 am - Letters from camp
Last night I slept awkwardly on top of a pile of pillows. My discomfort might have had something to do with settling into bed just after drinking half a bottle of wine, or maybe it was more an actualization of what's been circling around my headspace for the past little while.
I had a dream about being on a farm, and there was a cow there that kept trying to kick Katie. I remember it being stressful, but for some weird reason I woke up laughing. Have you ever woken up laughing before? Regardless of how funny your dream may have been, it still makes you look insane.
Wow, I think that I might be cranky. I wish that I didn't feel so lousy this morning because I've really got my day cut out for me.
May. 30th, 2009
01:45 am
I am up late tonight. One fourty five! I've been feeling low lately, and my daily anxiety causes me to rise and shine at like six thirty or seven am. My early mornings cause me to fall asleep at like eleven, so this is the first night in probably three weekends that I've been out past like twelve thirty.
It's nice. I went to a sports bar tonight and I talked a whoooooole lot. My throat is actually a little bit sore. We sat with a guy who was trying to text his girlfriend and he meant to write 'you're sexy' but it came out 'you're rude', and he sent it anyway. He'll have some explainin' to do tomorrow, hey? A little while later, he got a phone call that went a little something like this: 'Darren, hey bro. What's up? Trouble at the Pogue?! I'll be right there'. He immediately hung up and then suddenly he was history.
I also met a drunk old man who became irate when he thought kate was taking his photo, and then irate again when I told him that I didn't think that the orlando magic were the shining kings of basketball that he thought they were, and that low and behold, shaq wasn't even on their team anymore.
Also we watched tons of twin peaks and kate's friend Chris showed me some good youtube videos and richard said I remind him of a cross between maria bamford and dee from It's always sunny in Philadelphia. I will probably delete this in the morning but right now I'm a little drunk and I mostly just want something to read in the morning that'll make me smile.
May. 25th, 2009
01:49 am
I had a pretty terrific day. I slept in late, ate Darrell's fries and theatre popcorn, made some new friends and saw some great shows.
Nothing would end it better than a hot fudge sundae. Or well...there's not much would end it better than a hot fudge sundae.
May. 6th, 2009
11:04 pm
I just have to share: http://little-people.blogspot.com/
It's been a long time since the internet has made me this happy!
May. 3rd, 2009
07:09 pm
I am exhausted and counting down the seconds until I can wind myself up in my blankets and hug my pillows until they hug me back. I need hugs today.
Apr. 20th, 2009
10:48 pm
I have composed just short of one billion lists in the last week. None of them are helping me to figure out what the fuck I'm doing with my life.
I decided that maybe I just have writer's block, so to get the ball rolling, I'm just making lists of anything and everything that I can think of. I just thought of one called 'Three favorite things in my line of vision' and later I'll probably work on my ongoing 'Catalog of food in the fridge (subdivided into 'mine', and 'not mine')'.
Apr. 3rd, 2009
Mar. 30th, 2009
10:09 am - whoa
For today, this is the place that I'd most like to go.
01:38 am
I'm tired but I can't sleep.
I am having a terribly hard time writing anything down. It reminds me of the time that tim ate mushrooms and tried to write down the meaning of life, but in the morning when he read his notes it had already stopped making sense.
Here's what I did in Toronto:
ate food
saw dinosaurs
got ticketed
sleepover party mania
bought shoes
bought shirts
saw music. Heard music? both I guess.
enjoyed waffles (FINALLY)
played pinball
drank wine
super snacked
grocery shopped
enjoyed my first veggie burger! I always find them too pasty, this was the first burger that I liked as much or more than a real cheeseburger. Monumental!
Saw a guy from video on trial. This wasn't a highlight, because reminiscing about it just reminds me that the most famous person that I saw on my trip was someone from the absolutely terrible programming that airs on MuchMusic.
Probably other things too, but I just needed to write something before I implode. I should hit the hay soon. I'm wired on sugar and anxiety.
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